Sensitivity

My whole life I’ve been told I’m too sensitive. Maybe I am, I dunno, is there such a thing? But that’s not the point.

I had a rather difficult evening and night last night. I was at the thesis show for the honors art program at my school when I found out that a guy I know, who I guess I consider a friend but it’s hard to say it’s not like we communicate outside of seeing each other on campus, had won the art competition I entered a couple of weeks ago. A lot like when friends get pregnant I was struck with immediate strong feelings of happy for him, sad for me. He wasn’t sure who had come in second, I checked my email just in case but it was just a rejection letter. No prize here. I was really disappointed. Way more so than I thought I would be. I hadn’t really expected to win (the piece I entered was figurative and they have never selected figurative work for this prize) but I was crushed. I’ve dealt with loss/rejection of art stuff before. It’s always disappointing, but for some reason this was just really bad. I was so upset I left the show before even getting a chance to say congratulations on the show to the people in the honors program that I know. Then I felt like a selfish dick

After that I had class during which I was upset and distracted the whole time. The whole damn time. I went home and cried a little to my husband and he comforted me and I thought I was better. I went upstairs to get something to eat, pulled out my phone, opened up Facebook, and saw a pregnancy announcement from the couple we went to NYC with. And I lost it. Completely and utterly lost it. Dropped my bag, threw down my phone, collapsed on the floor and started sobbing hysterically. My husband came upstairs thinking I was still upset about the art show loss. We went upstairs to snuggle in bed and I proceeded to have a complete breakdown. All the crying that hasn’t been happening over the past few months came out. Beyond ugly cry. And then I had an existential crisis about art and oh my god what if I’m not good enough, what if this isn’t the right career for me, what if I’ve made the wrong choice again? Which morphed into I’m invisible at school, nobody supports me, nobody acknowledges me or my work except for the one teacher I TA for. I just utterly lost my shit. And my poor husband tried to comfort me but kept saying things that only made it worse.

Eventually I calmed down and decided I would try to sleep. I pulled out my phone wanting to make a quick Facebook post and saw another post from our friend. Apparently the pregnancy post was a joke. The wife was logged into the husband’s account and thought it would be funny to make a post saying they were expecting.

I’m not sure if I was more angry at them/her when I thought it was real or when I learned it was a “prank.”

When I thought it was real I was upset because:
a. They’ve been married all of about seven months.
b. She’s about to go on a deployment and getting pregnant right before would be really irresponsible of her. (I’m assuming it would cancel her deployment?)
c. They didn’t tell my husband and/or I before announcing it on Facebook despite being really close to my hubby and knowing about our infertility struggles.
d. They were either announcing stupid early, like first positive test early, or they were pregnant in NYC and didn’t tell us (although now that I think about it she was drinking a lot so that wouldn’t have made sense, anyway).

When I learned it was fake I was upset because:
a. Fake pregnancy posts are fucking hurtful.
b. They can’t claim ignorance. They knew about our stuff before and she has been liking several of my National Infertility Awareness Week posts this week.

I just don’t understand how she/they could think this joke is okay, especially this week. It’s not okay. It’s not funny. It’s not “just a joke.” It’s hurtful. I’m angry. I don’t know if I should send her a private message or just leave it alone. I’m going to address the issue of fake pregnancy jokes without naming names in my last NIAW post on Saturday. Maybe that will get the point through. Or maybe some people are just so oblivious it will change nothing.

But I am NOT too fucking sensitive about this.

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11 comments

  1. You are NOT too sensitive about this. Fake pregnancy announcements hurt like hell, especially for IFers. But it’s also a mean joke for other family and friends. My mom would be heartbroken if she first learned of my pregnancy on FB, got her hopes up, then learned it was a joke. Why would you do that to people? There are better, funnier, and less mean jokes.

  2. You are not too sensitive at all. Friend of mine on FB posted a generic ultrasound photo as her profile pic on April Fool’s Day. I don’t know her well enough to call her out on it, so I sulked and felt miserable on the inside and kept it that way, but someone ELSE commented that it wasn’t funny and attached this link (http://www.scissortailsilk.com/2014/03/28/the-joke-is-over-why-i-hope-not-to-see-pretend-pregnancy-announcements-on-april-1st/) to it. Which ironically enough was the exact article I found myself when googling April Fool’s pregnancy announcements that morning.

    Long story short: you are NOT too sensitive. End of story. ❤

  3. I agree – not too sensitive. It’s insensitive of HER knowing what her friend is going through. It’s also immature. At some point we age past a pregnancy having shock value.

  4. That sucks. I’m so sorry. I understand where you are coming from. I’m a writer. I get constant rejections. So while I’m trying to get pregnant, I am also trying to publish a novel and a few short stories. Rejections. Rejections! Failure! So much failure! It’s super shitty sometimes.

  5. *hugs* that is a very crappy thing to do. Not sure I would send her a message though. I’d prob just lay low for a while.
    Sorry about the rejection. It’s always tough no matter how many times it happens.
    Bad things always come in groups… it’ll be easier now. At least for a while. xx

  6. Good lord. Fake pregnancy posts by themselves are never funny. But doing one during NIAW is horribly ironic, and when you know someone struggling with IF it’s just being a dick.

    I wouldn’t blame you if you messaged them. Sometimes it feels good just to clear the air. Maybe phrase it in a way of saying that post was very painful for you, and if she feels the need to do something similar again in the future, to please block you from seeing that post?

  7. I have been told my entire life that I am “too sensitive” also. Doesn’t make it okay for people to do shitty things and then blame it on you for how you take it. 13 year olds I used to teach thought the pregnancy thing was funny – anyone older than that needs to get a better sense of humor and some sensitivity of their own. Hugs

  8. Ugh, what a horrible, horrible thing for that woman to do! Fake pregnancy announcements aren’t funny, especially for those of us with infertility – but I’ve also wondered at times how much they upset others (like the person’s family/parents – especially if they’ve got the grandparent hopes). All around, it’s not a joke.

    Sorry to hear about the rejection – that is so hard.

    You are definitely not too sensitive about this. I’m convinced people who do crappy stuff like posting fake pregnancy announcements throw that line around to obscure the fact that THEY did something inappropriate and hurtful.

  9. I’ve always been told I’m too sensitive, too, but if I had to choose I would rather be “too” sensitive than completely insensitive and hurtful.

    When my sister is struggling in school, I tell her that they chose her to be there. Of all the people who applied, they said she deserved a spot as much as anyone else in her program. I don’t know if that helps you, but I wanted to share in case it did.

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