If you haven’t yet seen the video about motherhood being the hardest job, don’t watch it if you’re infertile. Just don’t.
You can, however, read this article in which the author takes issue with the video.
I posted that article yesterday on Facebook and pissed off a bunch of moms and was told it was a feminist attack on motherhood. I was not in the headspace yesterday to respond to everyone’s comments but I was this morning. This is what I wrote:
First, before anyone says it, no, I’m not a mom. So no, I can’t make a statement based on my lived experience that motherhood is or is not harder than anything else in my life.
Second, I have no doubt that it’s hard. Like incredibly indescribably hard. I can’t speak for the author but in sharing this article I was in no way trying to imply that it’s not.
I don’t agree with every single thing the author said but I’m not here to parse her words.
I don’t consider parenting, regardless of gender, to be a job because in American society it is not treated as one. There are plenty of arguments to make that it should be, and lots of feminists have made those arguments, but that’s not the point.
I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad about enjoying that video. I would imagine that as a mother seeing something like that would be incredibly reaffirming.
But what I can do is speak to the larger cultural script and my lived experience. There is a cultural script in the 21st century US, at least among middle income married couples, that privileges parenthood and especially motherhood. It is a script that is relentless. And if you are a parent you might not see it, but as someone who is not this script is hurtful.
L, one of the quotes you pulled that you took issue with is what resonated with me more than anything else the author wrote. “And I don’t appreciate messages that seem to build women up while essentially telling them that nothing they can achieve in life matters more than having babies.” Because that right there is my lived experience. That society believes nothing else I do matters because I don’t have kids.
Parenting is a hard and often thankless job, yes. We should all appreciate the sacrifices our parents made for us. But this video is over the top, manipulative, and heavy handed. And it is part of a broader cultural script that hurts those of us who aren’t moms. And I’m sick of hearing it.
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