Sick and Tired

I’m sick and tired. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m exhausted of always feeling like crap. I have the flu, but I also am mired in a depression.

Today I am cranky. I am getting in internet fights that I normally wouldn’t touch. Being bitchy to things I would normally ignore.

I find that I hate myself. I am wrapped up in this concern about other people liking me, but what does that even matter when I can’t bring myself to like myself?

This is about infertility and it’s about 100 other things. A million other things. My whole life. Past lives. Baggage. Steamer trunks of baggage.

I don’t know how to like myself. Other people like me. Not just love me, that’s different, but actually like me. I don’t see it. I don’t know why anyone would. I am not fun to be around these days. I am miserable all the time. All the damn time. And I’m fucking sick of it.