The Myth of Super Mom

This post is dedicated to my sister-in-law and loyal reader, she knows who she is. ❤

So, let me preface my talk of super mom by stating that yesterday morning, after a weekend of breakdowns, tears, and panic attacks, I decided I needed to drop one of my classes. The level of stress I was feeling so early was just not sustainable for me. And by making the decision sooner rather than later I save myself another W on my transcript (you should see my transcripts from 10+ years ago, it’s like 75% W’s). I am trying really hard, especially in light of my history, to not beat myself up about this. I know it was the right decision, but it was a really frustrating one to have to make. What’s funny is that one of the biggest issues this creates is that it means I might not be able to graduate in 3 more semesters. But guess what? If I get pregnant anytime before September, that all changes anyway. So whatever. I’m doing what I can.

So what does this have to do with super moms? Well, my sister-in-law pointed out to me the fallacy of super moms. I’ll let her words speak:

People try to look perfect and like they’re doing and having it all but they’re not. They are sacrificing whole parts of themselves and their lives to appear that way. It’s a lie. And no way to live.

And it got me thinking about this lie that we tell ourselves. We think that there are such things as super moms. And many of us aspire to be those people. Yes, there are type-A people who do a lot more than many of the rest of us, but there is always sacrifice. And we often don’t know what that sacrifice is. My sil mentioned a mom she knows who everyone thinks is super mom because she’s super crafty and organizes great play dates and outings, but she also has a nanny and problems in her marriage. I know a mom who works full-time, goes to school online full-time, does volunteer work, and parents her 17 month old. She recently became pregnant with a second and I wasn’t sure if she was superwoman or crazy. Turns out neither, she got pregnant while on birth control. (That some people get pregnant while actively trying not to and others of us can’t seem to at all is a topic for another day.) And now she is going to stop working when her second is born because the cost of daycare for two kids would pretty much cancel out her paycheck. It’s all complicated and we all have to sacrifice somewhere.

In my women’s studies course last semester I wrote a paper about having it all. I talked about the fact that there is no singular definition of having it all for every woman (or man) and that what that looks like changes for an individual throughout their lifetime. Right now, having “it all” for me looks like having a strong marriage to a wonderful, supportive man, doing the best I can in school to finish this degree, and continuing to try to conceive. I had to be honest with myself about what the best I can do in school right now is. But I would rather do well and take a little more time than over-stress myself and end up failing classes, wasting money, and potentially even dropping out.

Right now having it all includes that I don’t exactly know where my life is headed. I hope that we are able to conceive and start a family soon. I look forward to being a really kick-ass, awesome, funny, loving mom who makes sacrifices for her family and for her work. I do not aspire to be super mom, she does not exist.